I am a child of two obese parents, and a very strong history of Diabetes Mellitus in my family. I was in a low economic class, and my parents were divorced when I was 5. My mother was a single working mother and so that left me and my older brother to ourselves a lot. By statistical standards, I should have been a teenage pregnancy with no higher education living in the lower economic class.
I chose to defy that standard, and to define my own life. I was blessed with intelligence and used my abilities to get into college and then to further my degrees. I have been able to avoid labels and go against the expected and predicted. I have not allowed my poor, dysfunctional, non-privileged past to define me.
What have I accomplished that I "shouldn't have"? I went on to get a doctoral degree. I got married in my late 20's and then went on to have kids well into my married life. I have not turned to addiction or excuses or help of any kind. There was no trust fund to get me anywhere. There was not even a pair of parents to urge me on. I have to be fair and say that I was never pressured. My mother always said that education was something that could never be taken away and that I just do my best. I'm the one who wanted more.
So, what's the point? Am I attention-seeking? Desperate for acknowledgement? Do I need someone to tell me how great I am? No. It is because despite the success, there is one place that willpower and education has not provided me.
Because there is one area in which I have failed miserably. I am obese. I knew growing up that I was at higher risk for developing obesity due to the fact that both my parents were obese. I knew that the fact that I was pretty much guaranteed to become obese myself meant that I was just a ticking time bomb for developing diabetes. I learned at a very early age to eat whole grains instead of white, process starches. I knew lean meat was better for me than anything else. I know fresh fruit and veggies are superior. Eating healthy is key!
I have followed a healthy eating lifestyle. I have joined weight watchers and quit and joined again and quit again. I have started exercise routines. I don't eat bags of chips or quarts of ice cream. Most of the time, I don't even eat anything "bad" at all.
I started losing my hair in November two years ago. I was put on thyroid medication and it got better for a bit and then last Spring it started coming out in clumps. I was sent to the dermatologist who ended up doing a biopsy of my scalp and the results came back that it was endocrine in nature.
Yesterday, I went to my initial visit with the endocrinologist. She is having some tests run and those will confirm that I likely have PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). It means my body is basically overproducing some hormones that make me gain weight without really trying. And the way to fix it? Lose weight.
So, I already eat healthy and I've been working on the exercising but guess what. It's not enough. I have got to lose weight or I will just be fat and bald.
In some ways, it seems really unfair. I want to run and hide because I already eat healthier that MOST people. I exercise some. Not as much as I should but if you've ever been around me then you know I am about the furthest thing from a couch potato that exists. I don't stop moving until I get in the bed and go to sleep. I even have a hard time sitting still to have a conversation. I don't drink to excess (unless it's my 40th birthday) and I don't binge. I want to just gain 20 pounds and have surgery. I want to cry and say that I AM healthy!
But guess what? It's not enough. So now, it is up to me to once again defy the odds and make a change. It is up to me to let this be a challenge, and not to define me. So, I am working towards a new definition.
I am going to need encouragement and not criticism. I am going to need love and not hate. I am going to need conviction and not doubts. I am going to need everything I can get.
I know that this isn't cancer and it isn't lots of horrible things it could be. But, it's really hard to explain to people that you're "just fat" because of your hormones. Sounds like a bunch of BS to me! But, I am and I've got to fight it.
Then I can become defined differently and not let this define me.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Friday, November 2, 2012
All creatures, great and small....
This is a story about a dog. The background may at first seem tedious and boring, but eventually it will all come around so bear with me. I am changing names and abbreviating to protect those involved, whether innocent in their actions or not.
Part I: The Move
H moved to the area for her job. She is a lover of boxers and she had 3 of her very own. She travels a lot for work, and typically one or all travel with her. She doesn't bat an eye at doing what is best for her 4-legged kids. So when she was on a trip here (before the big move), one of her boxers got really sick. She went to an emergency/referral clinic and had lots of work done. The doctor at that clinic recommended our clinic for primary care. A month or so later, she made an appointment at our clinic.
Part II: The Appointment
I was scheduled to see the emergency-sick-now-well boxer and another for an exam. I met this new client and 2 of her boxers. We formed a bond pretty quickly since I have a fond spot for boxers myself (some of you might remember Osirus). I also saw her other boxer at the next visit. We discussed non-pet things which in this field is a little rare. It isn't intentional, but you normally don't really get to become GOOD friends with a client on a deeper level. But, this was the start of something and I enjoyed chatting and taking care of the dogs as well.
Part III: Devastation
One of the boxers came in to see me for just overall not feeling well and turns out he was pretty sick. I referred him to the emergency clinic and they went all out to work on him. The surgery was successful, but recovery never really happened and he just couldn't come back. H visited him and then he was euthanised. It was devastating, as losing a pet always is.
Part IV: Quality of Life
I had an appointment for a "Quality of Life" Exam. At our clinic, we don't schedule euthanasias unless the case is very long and involved and we have explored all the options. Our job is to assess the pet's medical issues, the owner's perceptions and then add in our own expert advice. Sometimes, we agree (even if the pet is a new pet or we haven't seen the pet for years). Sometimes, we try medicine and see how the pet responds. Sometimes, we flat out decline because we don't feel it is in the pet's best interest.Yes, it is sort of like an appeals court but I need to be able to sleep at night.
At this exam, I was presented with a boxer. She was older and the reasons the owner gave were that she had adopted her about a year and half ago to save her from a really bad situation. During that year and a half, this dog had begun to decline and was showing signs similar to alzheimers in humans (this owner is a nurse). She said that this dog just was deteriorating and that she was moving in a month and she was not taking this dog with her. She has another dog, a pitt bull, and was going to have that dog live with her brother. According to this owner, she also hallucinated and couldn't see. She stated she had been to 4 different vets for her eyes and no one had ever been able to control her issues.
The single point where the owner and I agreed completely? She didn't need to go to a shelter. I happen to know from my shelter background that boxers really tend to do very poorly in a shelter setting and I prefer to get them out of shelters as quickly as possible when I am involved in that side of animal care.
I declined to euthanize this dog. Instead, I asked the owner if she would legally sign the dog over to me and allow me to find her a home. She agreed and gave her to me. I did some work-up on her and she was pretty healthy. She did have a condition called keratoconjunctivitis sicca, or more commonly called "dry eye" and she had a urinary tract infection. She had some scars where something traumatic had happened to her and hair had not grown back. She had some lumps and bumps. She was a bit saggy from what looked like lots of litters in her past. But overall, she was pretty healthy. I was thrilled when I learned she was heartworm negative. In this field, that is akin to the Golden Ticket.
Part V: Anybody want a dog?
I felt like a bad pimp. I couldn't give this dog away. I emailed multiple boxer and non-boxer rescues. I had her SAFER assessed, which is an assessment for the likelihood of success in re-homing a pet. She passed with flying colors. I started her on antibiotics for her urinary tract, and I gave her heartworm. I took her home and fed her and she did great with the other dogs (except Elly but that's another story and Elly's fault). She did great with the cat. She did great with the kids. She was potty trained like a pro. No body wanted her.
I took her to the ophthalmologist and had her eyes assessed. Turns out that about a month's worth of meds would fix a lot of her vision problems and she would have to have medication for her dry eye for the rest of her life. A heartworm negative, good with kids, potty trained boxer and I couldn't give her away?!
Part VI: Networking
I called H. I was sensitive to the fact that she had JUST lost one of her own, and I wanted to know if she had any contacts with her rescue from "home" because I was getting NO feedback at all. I wanted to see if we might be able to get her listed with this boxer rescue because I was treading water and running out of breath.
I got a reply that someone might be interested. But, that person was also from H's "home", many miles and hours away. In order to see how this boxer would do in another home, H was willing to take her home with her (now 2) boxers and give a trial run. If she did well, H would take her to try her new home. H was making a trip there anyway, so she could do the trial run and give her transport.
We discussed her intended new home and owner B. B is also a big boxer lover. B has been involved with boxer rescue of some kind for many years. B also shows boxers and knows lineage, rescue, and all the details in between. She happens to have a soft spot for the senior rescues. This was sounding promising.
Part VII: The Trial
My new dog went home with H and one of H's dogs didn't love her immediately. He is a bit young, now the only male, and has had a bit of transition of the pack since one has recently crossed the rainbow bridge. H worked with them and it wasn't long before they were playing.
H brought both of them in - him for an eye question, her for a final check-up. She had passed "home inspection" and I needed to give her all of the records I had so they could accompany her to her (hopefully) forever home. During this visit, we were chatting (as we are now known to do) and H mentioned that she seemed to have been from a show/breeding line based on her ear crop. We sort of looked at her and wondered where she'd been and how she ended up here...
Part IX: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!
Just last night I got a message. Actually 2 messages. 1 from H and 1 from B. My new/old dog ORIGINATED in the general area where she is going to live. She was from a good breeding line (remember the cropped ears?) and her original breeder had given her to a breeder in SC (how did she end up here?). This breeder did breed her multiple times (a little saggy?), and was not as responsible as I would have preferred. One day, this breeder left to go to work and left my new/old dog out in the yard with some other bitches. My new/old dog got stuck in the fence, trying to get out because the other two were mauling her. She was found nearly dead, had multiple drains placed and nearly didn't come out of this episode (remember the scars I mentioned?). They sent me a link to her breeding page online and it is HER!!! We know her date of birth and her whole story, which has come together from the following scenario:
This dog got from this her original owner to a breeder in SC to another person to me to H to B.
And I got chills. I can NOT even make sense of all the little things that added up to make this big thing. I just blows my mind and for me, it is re-enforcement of my belief that everything happens for a reason. Everything. And while we sometimes don't get to know the why's, sometimes we do. And that is good enough for me.
Part I: The Move
H moved to the area for her job. She is a lover of boxers and she had 3 of her very own. She travels a lot for work, and typically one or all travel with her. She doesn't bat an eye at doing what is best for her 4-legged kids. So when she was on a trip here (before the big move), one of her boxers got really sick. She went to an emergency/referral clinic and had lots of work done. The doctor at that clinic recommended our clinic for primary care. A month or so later, she made an appointment at our clinic.
Part II: The Appointment
I was scheduled to see the emergency-sick-now-well boxer and another for an exam. I met this new client and 2 of her boxers. We formed a bond pretty quickly since I have a fond spot for boxers myself (some of you might remember Osirus). I also saw her other boxer at the next visit. We discussed non-pet things which in this field is a little rare. It isn't intentional, but you normally don't really get to become GOOD friends with a client on a deeper level. But, this was the start of something and I enjoyed chatting and taking care of the dogs as well.
Part III: Devastation
One of the boxers came in to see me for just overall not feeling well and turns out he was pretty sick. I referred him to the emergency clinic and they went all out to work on him. The surgery was successful, but recovery never really happened and he just couldn't come back. H visited him and then he was euthanised. It was devastating, as losing a pet always is.
Part IV: Quality of Life
I had an appointment for a "Quality of Life" Exam. At our clinic, we don't schedule euthanasias unless the case is very long and involved and we have explored all the options. Our job is to assess the pet's medical issues, the owner's perceptions and then add in our own expert advice. Sometimes, we agree (even if the pet is a new pet or we haven't seen the pet for years). Sometimes, we try medicine and see how the pet responds. Sometimes, we flat out decline because we don't feel it is in the pet's best interest.Yes, it is sort of like an appeals court but I need to be able to sleep at night.
At this exam, I was presented with a boxer. She was older and the reasons the owner gave were that she had adopted her about a year and half ago to save her from a really bad situation. During that year and a half, this dog had begun to decline and was showing signs similar to alzheimers in humans (this owner is a nurse). She said that this dog just was deteriorating and that she was moving in a month and she was not taking this dog with her. She has another dog, a pitt bull, and was going to have that dog live with her brother. According to this owner, she also hallucinated and couldn't see. She stated she had been to 4 different vets for her eyes and no one had ever been able to control her issues.
The single point where the owner and I agreed completely? She didn't need to go to a shelter. I happen to know from my shelter background that boxers really tend to do very poorly in a shelter setting and I prefer to get them out of shelters as quickly as possible when I am involved in that side of animal care.
I declined to euthanize this dog. Instead, I asked the owner if she would legally sign the dog over to me and allow me to find her a home. She agreed and gave her to me. I did some work-up on her and she was pretty healthy. She did have a condition called keratoconjunctivitis sicca, or more commonly called "dry eye" and she had a urinary tract infection. She had some scars where something traumatic had happened to her and hair had not grown back. She had some lumps and bumps. She was a bit saggy from what looked like lots of litters in her past. But overall, she was pretty healthy. I was thrilled when I learned she was heartworm negative. In this field, that is akin to the Golden Ticket.
Part V: Anybody want a dog?
I felt like a bad pimp. I couldn't give this dog away. I emailed multiple boxer and non-boxer rescues. I had her SAFER assessed, which is an assessment for the likelihood of success in re-homing a pet. She passed with flying colors. I started her on antibiotics for her urinary tract, and I gave her heartworm. I took her home and fed her and she did great with the other dogs (except Elly but that's another story and Elly's fault). She did great with the cat. She did great with the kids. She was potty trained like a pro. No body wanted her.
I took her to the ophthalmologist and had her eyes assessed. Turns out that about a month's worth of meds would fix a lot of her vision problems and she would have to have medication for her dry eye for the rest of her life. A heartworm negative, good with kids, potty trained boxer and I couldn't give her away?!
Part VI: Networking
I called H. I was sensitive to the fact that she had JUST lost one of her own, and I wanted to know if she had any contacts with her rescue from "home" because I was getting NO feedback at all. I wanted to see if we might be able to get her listed with this boxer rescue because I was treading water and running out of breath.
I got a reply that someone might be interested. But, that person was also from H's "home", many miles and hours away. In order to see how this boxer would do in another home, H was willing to take her home with her (now 2) boxers and give a trial run. If she did well, H would take her to try her new home. H was making a trip there anyway, so she could do the trial run and give her transport.
We discussed her intended new home and owner B. B is also a big boxer lover. B has been involved with boxer rescue of some kind for many years. B also shows boxers and knows lineage, rescue, and all the details in between. She happens to have a soft spot for the senior rescues. This was sounding promising.
Part VII: The Trial
My new dog went home with H and one of H's dogs didn't love her immediately. He is a bit young, now the only male, and has had a bit of transition of the pack since one has recently crossed the rainbow bridge. H worked with them and it wasn't long before they were playing.
H brought both of them in - him for an eye question, her for a final check-up. She had passed "home inspection" and I needed to give her all of the records I had so they could accompany her to her (hopefully) forever home. During this visit, we were chatting (as we are now known to do) and H mentioned that she seemed to have been from a show/breeding line based on her ear crop. We sort of looked at her and wondered where she'd been and how she ended up here...
Part IX: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!
Just last night I got a message. Actually 2 messages. 1 from H and 1 from B. My new/old dog ORIGINATED in the general area where she is going to live. She was from a good breeding line (remember the cropped ears?) and her original breeder had given her to a breeder in SC (how did she end up here?). This breeder did breed her multiple times (a little saggy?), and was not as responsible as I would have preferred. One day, this breeder left to go to work and left my new/old dog out in the yard with some other bitches. My new/old dog got stuck in the fence, trying to get out because the other two were mauling her. She was found nearly dead, had multiple drains placed and nearly didn't come out of this episode (remember the scars I mentioned?). They sent me a link to her breeding page online and it is HER!!! We know her date of birth and her whole story, which has come together from the following scenario:
This dog got from this her original owner to a breeder in SC to another person to me to H to B.
And I got chills. I can NOT even make sense of all the little things that added up to make this big thing. I just blows my mind and for me, it is re-enforcement of my belief that everything happens for a reason. Everything. And while we sometimes don't get to know the why's, sometimes we do. And that is good enough for me.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
This sud's for you...
I am a person who loves immediate gratification. If I can get it RIGHTNOW, I'm good to go. If I come up with an idea, I'm already three steps ahead on how to get it done. At work, I prefer soft-tissue surgery and dental procedures to orthopedics because you can get results in a day. I don't even like the word patience.
With that little detail about me, it might comes as a less shocking blow to you when I say I enjoy cleaning. Particularly, I enjoy washing dishes. Yep, I am a person who cleans for (gasp!) fun. Organizing is right there with it. It's taken me while to be comfortable with the concept that on my days off, I don't mind doing laundry and putting away clothes and cleaning the kitchen. The more organized, the better.
Yet, there are parts of cleaning I can not stand. I don't like to "pick up" and tidy. I think it's because it's another step I have to go through that is involved before I can clean. For example, the flip flops have to go in my daughter's room, the cups to the kitchen, the dog toys into the dog basket, the remote from under the couch and into the holder, the papers that need to go to the filing basket, the socks go to the boy's dirty clothes, and the husbands 3 pairs of shoes and belt need to go to our room (there's more, you know). All this running around sure does interfere with a clean room! But then, I can wipe down and dust and vacuum and WALA! The room is clean.
I also am too obsessive-compulsive to sweep or mop well. When I am using the vacuum to clean our floors, I can not just do the main areas. If I'm going to do it, I have to do it like I'm doing a deep cleaning equivalent of sell-the-house, show-ready. That means move the couch, the love seat, pull out attachments to get nooks and crannies. Literally, no corner is safe. Then come back with a mop? You must be kidding! There is always a hair that has been floating around that lands on the floor and then there are spots that need more and when you add moisture, it becomes a sponge for all the other "dirt". So then I need to go back and vacuum again. So, it's best if I don't do floors. I can see the floor is dirty and acknowledge that it's dirty, but if I clean it then it will be an all-out battle with the dirt and I can't quit until it's o.v.e.r.
I also don't like to put the food away. I don't like to cook in a dirty kitchen. I don't like to garden. I don't like to do anything tedious. But give me a semi-clean slate and let me make it shine and I am fulfilled on another level.
I was thinking about this at work the other day. We have a small kitchen area for breaks, lunch, etc. I had brought my dirty dishes in that morning (I eat breakfast in my car every day no matter what time I get up and no matter when I have to be at work) and had brought my lunch. The sink was full of mostly my dishes.
The end-of-day checklist requires someone clean the kitchen. I was washing my dishes when one of the technicians said, "You didn't go to school for all those years to wash dishes in the break room at work and do tech work." I replied that they were mostly my dishes and I really don't mind! It's funny because what may be torture for one is enjoyment for another and if it helps them get off work 3 minutes earlier AND I don't mind, why not?
So, the next time you see me elbow deep in suds or sorting piles of laundry, just know that we can both sit back and enjoy the rewards of my behavior. And, if I do offer to do the dishes while you put the food away then I'm not just being polite. You are helping me do something I enjoy. Prune hands and all : )
With that little detail about me, it might comes as a less shocking blow to you when I say I enjoy cleaning. Particularly, I enjoy washing dishes. Yep, I am a person who cleans for (gasp!) fun. Organizing is right there with it. It's taken me while to be comfortable with the concept that on my days off, I don't mind doing laundry and putting away clothes and cleaning the kitchen. The more organized, the better.
Yet, there are parts of cleaning I can not stand. I don't like to "pick up" and tidy. I think it's because it's another step I have to go through that is involved before I can clean. For example, the flip flops have to go in my daughter's room, the cups to the kitchen, the dog toys into the dog basket, the remote from under the couch and into the holder, the papers that need to go to the filing basket, the socks go to the boy's dirty clothes, and the husbands 3 pairs of shoes and belt need to go to our room (there's more, you know). All this running around sure does interfere with a clean room! But then, I can wipe down and dust and vacuum and WALA! The room is clean.
I also am too obsessive-compulsive to sweep or mop well. When I am using the vacuum to clean our floors, I can not just do the main areas. If I'm going to do it, I have to do it like I'm doing a deep cleaning equivalent of sell-the-house, show-ready. That means move the couch, the love seat, pull out attachments to get nooks and crannies. Literally, no corner is safe. Then come back with a mop? You must be kidding! There is always a hair that has been floating around that lands on the floor and then there are spots that need more and when you add moisture, it becomes a sponge for all the other "dirt". So then I need to go back and vacuum again. So, it's best if I don't do floors. I can see the floor is dirty and acknowledge that it's dirty, but if I clean it then it will be an all-out battle with the dirt and I can't quit until it's o.v.e.r.
I also don't like to put the food away. I don't like to cook in a dirty kitchen. I don't like to garden. I don't like to do anything tedious. But give me a semi-clean slate and let me make it shine and I am fulfilled on another level.
I was thinking about this at work the other day. We have a small kitchen area for breaks, lunch, etc. I had brought my dirty dishes in that morning (I eat breakfast in my car every day no matter what time I get up and no matter when I have to be at work) and had brought my lunch. The sink was full of mostly my dishes.
The end-of-day checklist requires someone clean the kitchen. I was washing my dishes when one of the technicians said, "You didn't go to school for all those years to wash dishes in the break room at work and do tech work." I replied that they were mostly my dishes and I really don't mind! It's funny because what may be torture for one is enjoyment for another and if it helps them get off work 3 minutes earlier AND I don't mind, why not?
So, the next time you see me elbow deep in suds or sorting piles of laundry, just know that we can both sit back and enjoy the rewards of my behavior. And, if I do offer to do the dishes while you put the food away then I'm not just being polite. You are helping me do something I enjoy. Prune hands and all : )
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Hand over the cough syrup and no one gets hurt
I currently have a "cold". Not a big deal. Let it run its course. Drink lots of fluids. Take over-the-counter medication for symptoms. No need to see the doctor and definitely no need for antibiotics. UNLESS you are me.
We are going to take a journey back through time because I'm not sure when this all started. About 5 years ago, I got pretty sick in January and it took me out. I lost my voice, I coughed, I was stuffy, I was achy, I was miserable. I went to the doctor and they prescribed some meds and did bloodwork even. This incident lasted almost 2 months. I was sick for 2 months! Let me just say, I think that alone is ridiculous.
Since my doctors never really reached a diagnosis, I tried to be logical. I thought maybe I had developed allergies and my thought process was that if I could prevent from being THAT sick again, I would. I went straight to the top and was allergy tested. Intradermal, skin prick allergy testing. I was ready to start my allergy shots and do whatever else I needed to hit this head on. I was so almost excited to go to the consult to discuss my allergies when I went in and was told I am not allergic to ANYTHING. Nothing. I only reacted to the histamine. Who on this planet isn't allergic to anything?!
So, I regrouped. Maybe it was just a really bad cold/illness that my body struggled with. Maybe it was a one-time deal, blip on the screen. OK. Moved to Summerville, got pregnant. Had "pregnancy nose" with my first child. Had her and moved to Charleston. Got really, really sick again one Spring.
Side note: because my upper respiratory problems always, always led to cough and asthmatic like symptoms, I have an inhaler. This inhaler was one I only ever had to use when I was "sick". It was a little confusing because I don't have allergies and I don't have asthma.
Back to being sick one Spring. My doctor at that time prescribed Singulaire and told me to take Mucinex, Claritin and a Z-pack. It worked, but then about 2 or 3 weeks later I got sick again. We did it again and it worked but came back. I then went to her for the 3rd time. She changed up a few things and said if it continued, I was getting a referral. Time moved on, I changed insurance and doctors and such.
Christmas came that year and I stayed sick from Christmas until May. Really. I was sick for FIVE (5) months. I was on meds here and there but nothing "worked". It would be managed and then I would get really, really sick again. We even checked the house for mold. We looked into all kinds of things. NO answers.
Fast-forward to this Spring. April to be exact. I got sick (yes, again). Coughing, inhaler, antibiotics, Singulaire, you name it. Went next door from my job to a Doctor's First place and he put me on a Z-pack, inhaler, Singulaire, Zyrtec. Finished the Z-pack and went back in one week, no better. This time I got 2 injections: 1 antibiotic, 1 steroid. Another Z-pack. All the otc stuff. Went back the next week, still no better. Got another 2 injections, another antibiotic pack, told to stay on the antihistamines and singulaire for another 30 days after my appointment. This was confusing to me, so I questioned him. I told him it didn't make sense that I don't have allergies. He said this year was much, much worse for allergies and the amount of allergens in the air was causing a reaction. OK.......
I had made an appointment for a new primary care physician for May. So, in May I had finished the month-long medications as directed (it was a decent month) but I went off them just in time for my appointment and I was sick again. She listened to the whole story and because I had been allergy tested within the last 5 years, she wanted to send me to the pulmonologist. Put me back on a z-pack, all the other meds, made the referral.
Went to the pulmonologist who did breathing tests, did a SouthEast allergen blood panel, told me to try allegra daily in lieu of the other antihistamines since they weren't very effective for me, told me to continue Singulaire daily, advised Flonase daily and inhaler as needed. Re-check with her 6 weeks later (after a couple of rescheduled appointments). She stated my blood panel showed no allergens. She reiterated the "bad spring" talk. Sent me to the ENT doctor.
Went on Tuesday to the ENT. I have now been on the following medications daily:
Synthroid for low thyroid
Sertraline (Zoloft) because I need to be happy
Singulaire for my lungs
Allegra for my LACK of ALLERGIES
Flonase for my LACK of ALLERGIES
Melatonin to help me sleep
Biotin for hair loss due to stress(you think?), prescribed by dermatologist on a different visit non-related to this post
He had me breathe in some aerosol synephrine and lidocaine then put a scope into my sinuses. He said they are definitely inflamed, right worse than left. He also said my insurance company will not cover a CT scan of my sinuses until I have fulfilled a full regimen 3 different antibiotics. He also said there is an uncommon scenario of a parasympathetic neuro problem that will physically cause the nose to secrete more and so he prescribed me the nose spray to treat that in case that's what it is. So, now we add to the regimen:
Augmentin for the insurance company
Another nose spray in case it's a bizarre parasympathetic issue
Then, I get really sick. Like called in to work yesterday because I am so miserable I can't stand it. It's moving to my lungs. While I don't have allergies, I DO have diagnosed reactive airway disease when means anytime I get "sick", I get SICK. I added in my inhaler and Mucinex. And an OTC antihistamine with decongestant. I have to finish this course of Augmentin so I can't get the CT scan until August 30.
Here I sit, feeling sorry for myself and hoping and praying the CT scan shows something that can actually be fixed. How do you explain calling in to work for a cold that makes you really, really sick to the point of debilitating and this barrage of medication when you have no allergies?! So, as the title of this post suggests, hand over the cough syrup and no one gets hurt.
We are going to take a journey back through time because I'm not sure when this all started. About 5 years ago, I got pretty sick in January and it took me out. I lost my voice, I coughed, I was stuffy, I was achy, I was miserable. I went to the doctor and they prescribed some meds and did bloodwork even. This incident lasted almost 2 months. I was sick for 2 months! Let me just say, I think that alone is ridiculous.
Since my doctors never really reached a diagnosis, I tried to be logical. I thought maybe I had developed allergies and my thought process was that if I could prevent from being THAT sick again, I would. I went straight to the top and was allergy tested. Intradermal, skin prick allergy testing. I was ready to start my allergy shots and do whatever else I needed to hit this head on. I was so almost excited to go to the consult to discuss my allergies when I went in and was told I am not allergic to ANYTHING. Nothing. I only reacted to the histamine. Who on this planet isn't allergic to anything?!
So, I regrouped. Maybe it was just a really bad cold/illness that my body struggled with. Maybe it was a one-time deal, blip on the screen. OK. Moved to Summerville, got pregnant. Had "pregnancy nose" with my first child. Had her and moved to Charleston. Got really, really sick again one Spring.
Side note: because my upper respiratory problems always, always led to cough and asthmatic like symptoms, I have an inhaler. This inhaler was one I only ever had to use when I was "sick". It was a little confusing because I don't have allergies and I don't have asthma.
Back to being sick one Spring. My doctor at that time prescribed Singulaire and told me to take Mucinex, Claritin and a Z-pack. It worked, but then about 2 or 3 weeks later I got sick again. We did it again and it worked but came back. I then went to her for the 3rd time. She changed up a few things and said if it continued, I was getting a referral. Time moved on, I changed insurance and doctors and such.
Christmas came that year and I stayed sick from Christmas until May. Really. I was sick for FIVE (5) months. I was on meds here and there but nothing "worked". It would be managed and then I would get really, really sick again. We even checked the house for mold. We looked into all kinds of things. NO answers.
Fast-forward to this Spring. April to be exact. I got sick (yes, again). Coughing, inhaler, antibiotics, Singulaire, you name it. Went next door from my job to a Doctor's First place and he put me on a Z-pack, inhaler, Singulaire, Zyrtec. Finished the Z-pack and went back in one week, no better. This time I got 2 injections: 1 antibiotic, 1 steroid. Another Z-pack. All the otc stuff. Went back the next week, still no better. Got another 2 injections, another antibiotic pack, told to stay on the antihistamines and singulaire for another 30 days after my appointment. This was confusing to me, so I questioned him. I told him it didn't make sense that I don't have allergies. He said this year was much, much worse for allergies and the amount of allergens in the air was causing a reaction. OK.......
I had made an appointment for a new primary care physician for May. So, in May I had finished the month-long medications as directed (it was a decent month) but I went off them just in time for my appointment and I was sick again. She listened to the whole story and because I had been allergy tested within the last 5 years, she wanted to send me to the pulmonologist. Put me back on a z-pack, all the other meds, made the referral.
Went to the pulmonologist who did breathing tests, did a SouthEast allergen blood panel, told me to try allegra daily in lieu of the other antihistamines since they weren't very effective for me, told me to continue Singulaire daily, advised Flonase daily and inhaler as needed. Re-check with her 6 weeks later (after a couple of rescheduled appointments). She stated my blood panel showed no allergens. She reiterated the "bad spring" talk. Sent me to the ENT doctor.
Went on Tuesday to the ENT. I have now been on the following medications daily:
Synthroid for low thyroid
Sertraline (Zoloft) because I need to be happy
Singulaire for my lungs
Allegra for my LACK of ALLERGIES
Flonase for my LACK of ALLERGIES
Melatonin to help me sleep
Biotin for hair loss due to stress(you think?), prescribed by dermatologist on a different visit non-related to this post
He had me breathe in some aerosol synephrine and lidocaine then put a scope into my sinuses. He said they are definitely inflamed, right worse than left. He also said my insurance company will not cover a CT scan of my sinuses until I have fulfilled a full regimen 3 different antibiotics. He also said there is an uncommon scenario of a parasympathetic neuro problem that will physically cause the nose to secrete more and so he prescribed me the nose spray to treat that in case that's what it is. So, now we add to the regimen:
Augmentin for the insurance company
Another nose spray in case it's a bizarre parasympathetic issue
Then, I get really sick. Like called in to work yesterday because I am so miserable I can't stand it. It's moving to my lungs. While I don't have allergies, I DO have diagnosed reactive airway disease when means anytime I get "sick", I get SICK. I added in my inhaler and Mucinex. And an OTC antihistamine with decongestant. I have to finish this course of Augmentin so I can't get the CT scan until August 30.
Here I sit, feeling sorry for myself and hoping and praying the CT scan shows something that can actually be fixed. How do you explain calling in to work for a cold that makes you really, really sick to the point of debilitating and this barrage of medication when you have no allergies?! So, as the title of this post suggests, hand over the cough syrup and no one gets hurt.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Dichotomy
“Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail” – Richard Friedman
"Anyone obtaining a dog or cat as a pet accepts a responsibility for that animal's care and existence for the rest of its life." - Bonnard L. Moseley
Both of these quotes are very true, and both symbolize one of the biggest problems I see with veterinary medicine today. On one hand, pets provide us with a sense of devotion and love and unquestioned acceptance. Pet ownership is a global phenomenon that started way back in the time before civilization when there was a symbiotic relationship formed between wolves and man. It progressed to work animals and to cats worshiped as royalty and today we continue to see a change in that bond as now pets have become family members. We LOVE them, they are so important to us, everybody needs a furry, 4-legged love in their life....right?
On the other hand, pets are a responsibility. A responsibility for a life. Once we have one, we are responsible for making all decisions pertaining to that pet's well-being. It's not free. They get sick. They get into accidents. They have parallel medical conditions to those experienced by humans. They have pain perception and personalities and feelings. They experience everything we do, and are subject to the consequences of the decisions we make for them.
So? What's the problem?
I am concerned about pet ownership becoming an elitist luxury, but at the same time I don't think anyone should be denied the ability to have a pet. It happens too often that in an exam room I am told how much someone loves their pet in one breath, and in the very next one they can't afford its treatment. It literally comes down to the dollar. Where do we draw the line and who gets to decide?
Who am I to say that if you can't afford a $1,000 knee surgery that your pet needs to be able to walk comfortably for the rest of its life, then either the pet doesn't get surgery and suffers or you have to find a way to pay $1000 even though your husband just got laid off and your kid needs braces?
Who am I to say that you have to pay $3000 because your beloved little dog slipped a disc in its back and without surgery the condition will decline and it will kill your pet because its bladder will rupture so we will euthanize it even though it is only 4 years old and you've gotten it spayed and kept it on heart worm preventative and fed it good food and "done everything right" and loved it like a child?
Who am I to say that I know you are on social security and your husband passed and now this little cat is your ONLY companion, and your grand-kids got it for you after he passed and the cat eats, sleeps and breathes with you but you can not afford to "take care of it"?
Then, there is the imaginary stamp I own that is bright red, with a big bold border around it, and I place it diagonally across the chart that simply reads "REVOKED". It literally covers the entire page in the chart from corner to corner. It's for the the people who "can't" afford to treat this pet or the 2 others they have at home and then they come in next week with a puppy they got on Craigslist and "saved" it. Or the people who go adopt 2 new kittens after putting down their cat last week because they couldn't treat hyperthyroid disease. Or the people who are on disability and have a new $400 Yorkie. Or the people who come in and get vaccines but will not keep it on preventative care, but are flying out next week for a family vacation to Las Vegas and have a brand new Altima in the parking lot. I always play in my mind that I'm stamping the REVOKED stamp on the charts of these owners, forbidding them the ability to ever own a pet again.
All of these events are normal, every day happenings. NOT exceptional. We see it all the time.
It costs money to go to veterinary school and run blood work and correct these issues. It costs money to pay the technicians and to buy vaccines and to run anesthesia. It costs money to have the power and air conditioning on in the building. It costs money to do a major surgery or even do a physical exam. We are not able to treat these pets for free and there is no financial back-up system in place for pets.
I don't have any answers for this, but I sure do see it as a problem that is not being addressed. It's overwhelming and disheartening and disappointing.
I want the little old lady to get to keep her cat. I want the student to be able to provide back surgery for her dog and get to keep it for the rest of its expected 8-12 years. I want to revoke ownership to the lady who "can't afford" her pets and saves another on Craigslist. I want to revoke ownership if you will not provide the basics for your pet. I want to yell, "Don't get a pet if you can't afford to take care of it!!!!" and then I want to help find a way to help the dog that needs knee surgery to walk better.
So, I will continue to do everything I can in my power to educate owners, prepare people for the idea that they are living beings with needs, and ultimately put the pet FIRST. At the end of the day, if the decision is 100% with the pet's interest at the heart of the decision, then I can have some internal peace. And my imaginary stamp.
"Anyone obtaining a dog or cat as a pet accepts a responsibility for that animal's care and existence for the rest of its life." - Bonnard L. Moseley
Both of these quotes are very true, and both symbolize one of the biggest problems I see with veterinary medicine today. On one hand, pets provide us with a sense of devotion and love and unquestioned acceptance. Pet ownership is a global phenomenon that started way back in the time before civilization when there was a symbiotic relationship formed between wolves and man. It progressed to work animals and to cats worshiped as royalty and today we continue to see a change in that bond as now pets have become family members. We LOVE them, they are so important to us, everybody needs a furry, 4-legged love in their life....right?
On the other hand, pets are a responsibility. A responsibility for a life. Once we have one, we are responsible for making all decisions pertaining to that pet's well-being. It's not free. They get sick. They get into accidents. They have parallel medical conditions to those experienced by humans. They have pain perception and personalities and feelings. They experience everything we do, and are subject to the consequences of the decisions we make for them.
So? What's the problem?
I am concerned about pet ownership becoming an elitist luxury, but at the same time I don't think anyone should be denied the ability to have a pet. It happens too often that in an exam room I am told how much someone loves their pet in one breath, and in the very next one they can't afford its treatment. It literally comes down to the dollar. Where do we draw the line and who gets to decide?
Who am I to say that if you can't afford a $1,000 knee surgery that your pet needs to be able to walk comfortably for the rest of its life, then either the pet doesn't get surgery and suffers or you have to find a way to pay $1000 even though your husband just got laid off and your kid needs braces?
Who am I to say that you have to pay $3000 because your beloved little dog slipped a disc in its back and without surgery the condition will decline and it will kill your pet because its bladder will rupture so we will euthanize it even though it is only 4 years old and you've gotten it spayed and kept it on heart worm preventative and fed it good food and "done everything right" and loved it like a child?
Who am I to say that I know you are on social security and your husband passed and now this little cat is your ONLY companion, and your grand-kids got it for you after he passed and the cat eats, sleeps and breathes with you but you can not afford to "take care of it"?
Then, there is the imaginary stamp I own that is bright red, with a big bold border around it, and I place it diagonally across the chart that simply reads "REVOKED". It literally covers the entire page in the chart from corner to corner. It's for the the people who "can't" afford to treat this pet or the 2 others they have at home and then they come in next week with a puppy they got on Craigslist and "saved" it. Or the people who go adopt 2 new kittens after putting down their cat last week because they couldn't treat hyperthyroid disease. Or the people who are on disability and have a new $400 Yorkie. Or the people who come in and get vaccines but will not keep it on preventative care, but are flying out next week for a family vacation to Las Vegas and have a brand new Altima in the parking lot. I always play in my mind that I'm stamping the REVOKED stamp on the charts of these owners, forbidding them the ability to ever own a pet again.
All of these events are normal, every day happenings. NOT exceptional. We see it all the time.
It costs money to go to veterinary school and run blood work and correct these issues. It costs money to pay the technicians and to buy vaccines and to run anesthesia. It costs money to have the power and air conditioning on in the building. It costs money to do a major surgery or even do a physical exam. We are not able to treat these pets for free and there is no financial back-up system in place for pets.
I don't have any answers for this, but I sure do see it as a problem that is not being addressed. It's overwhelming and disheartening and disappointing.
I want the little old lady to get to keep her cat. I want the student to be able to provide back surgery for her dog and get to keep it for the rest of its expected 8-12 years. I want to revoke ownership to the lady who "can't afford" her pets and saves another on Craigslist. I want to revoke ownership if you will not provide the basics for your pet. I want to yell, "Don't get a pet if you can't afford to take care of it!!!!" and then I want to help find a way to help the dog that needs knee surgery to walk better.
So, I will continue to do everything I can in my power to educate owners, prepare people for the idea that they are living beings with needs, and ultimately put the pet FIRST. At the end of the day, if the decision is 100% with the pet's interest at the heart of the decision, then I can have some internal peace. And my imaginary stamp.
Friday, August 3, 2012
A late start...
I glance at the clock and it's late. I'm usually already asleep at this hour. So, this intro will be brief. Well, sorta...
I was a ridiculously big-hearted child who loved movies with animals and soft fuzzy feelings and believed only good things about other people. I did not have a lot of direction and did well in school. I knew I was going to college. I was good at English/Literature. I told my mom and her best friend I might be a veterinarian when I grew up.
They both promptly decided that was a bad idea. "You're too soft-hearted. You won't be able to do that.You have to go to school for a very long time." They probably don't even remember the conversation, but I do. These two women were probably two of the most influential people in my life. If they said it couldn't be done, I believed them.
Lesson #1: Be careful when you speak because your words have unending influence.
So, I stayed on track to be an English major. In my mind, I was going to be young and successful working in the public relations division of a large corporation, going to cocktail hour, flying around the country for business meetings and living single, beautiful and rich in the big city.
The way things went, I finished my 4 years of undergraduate life and was a tour guide for my university. In order to continue with my tour guide vision (and then the plan had changed to run the visitor's center in my adulthood), I needed to be the graduate assistant to manage the group. In order to do that, I had to be getting my masters. The most applicable major was to get my master's degree in counseling, with my focus in Student Affairs. That would land me exactly where I needed to be so that I could continue with my vision.
In the process of getting your master's degree in counseling, you take a course in testing and assessments. The purpose of this course is to know when a test is indicated, what it is like to take the test, and how to interpret the results. So, the best test subject in a counseling degree is yourself. In the process, you get to learn some interesting things about your favorite person! In that semester, I found that I was very analytical, had a very low likelihood of developing an addiction, had a few areas of weaknesses and strengths, and that I should be in a pulic service job, a veterinarian, or something else....wait, what?
Lesson #2: If you can still be influenced by others, sometimes you miss your own voice.
So, I did three out of four semesters to get my counseling degree. I was in that third semester when I started to reassess things. Was I really going to rearrange my entire plan, life, education and well-developed job track to try to be a veterinarian? Did I realize I had a degree in ENGLISH?!
The resounding answer is yes. The final turning point was one day when I was with my then-boyfriend at his home an riding in the truck with him and his dad. His dad was talking about our futures in a vague, dad-like way (i.e. somebody needs to get a job and pay for things and be responsible). I mentioned that maybe I should go to veterinary school. Instead of hearing a replay of my high school experience, he simply said, "Why not?".
Lesson #3: If you don't have a good answer, there might not be one.
So, I did it. I went back undergraduate for another three years. I was 28 when I graduated with my second degree, this time a Bachelor of Science. I applied to veterinary school and was unbelievably accepted. I went all 4 years without turning back, no regrets.
I graduated at 32. I got my first job, and after a string of jobs I've landed in one I like. I don't know where it goes from here. But after my late start, I do know this:
Lesson #4: It's never too late to be what you might have been. ~ George Eliot
I was a ridiculously big-hearted child who loved movies with animals and soft fuzzy feelings and believed only good things about other people. I did not have a lot of direction and did well in school. I knew I was going to college. I was good at English/Literature. I told my mom and her best friend I might be a veterinarian when I grew up.
They both promptly decided that was a bad idea. "You're too soft-hearted. You won't be able to do that.You have to go to school for a very long time." They probably don't even remember the conversation, but I do. These two women were probably two of the most influential people in my life. If they said it couldn't be done, I believed them.
Lesson #1: Be careful when you speak because your words have unending influence.
So, I stayed on track to be an English major. In my mind, I was going to be young and successful working in the public relations division of a large corporation, going to cocktail hour, flying around the country for business meetings and living single, beautiful and rich in the big city.
The way things went, I finished my 4 years of undergraduate life and was a tour guide for my university. In order to continue with my tour guide vision (and then the plan had changed to run the visitor's center in my adulthood), I needed to be the graduate assistant to manage the group. In order to do that, I had to be getting my masters. The most applicable major was to get my master's degree in counseling, with my focus in Student Affairs. That would land me exactly where I needed to be so that I could continue with my vision.
In the process of getting your master's degree in counseling, you take a course in testing and assessments. The purpose of this course is to know when a test is indicated, what it is like to take the test, and how to interpret the results. So, the best test subject in a counseling degree is yourself. In the process, you get to learn some interesting things about your favorite person! In that semester, I found that I was very analytical, had a very low likelihood of developing an addiction, had a few areas of weaknesses and strengths, and that I should be in a pulic service job, a veterinarian, or something else....wait, what?
Lesson #2: If you can still be influenced by others, sometimes you miss your own voice.
So, I did three out of four semesters to get my counseling degree. I was in that third semester when I started to reassess things. Was I really going to rearrange my entire plan, life, education and well-developed job track to try to be a veterinarian? Did I realize I had a degree in ENGLISH?!
The resounding answer is yes. The final turning point was one day when I was with my then-boyfriend at his home an riding in the truck with him and his dad. His dad was talking about our futures in a vague, dad-like way (i.e. somebody needs to get a job and pay for things and be responsible). I mentioned that maybe I should go to veterinary school. Instead of hearing a replay of my high school experience, he simply said, "Why not?".
Lesson #3: If you don't have a good answer, there might not be one.
So, I did it. I went back undergraduate for another three years. I was 28 when I graduated with my second degree, this time a Bachelor of Science. I applied to veterinary school and was unbelievably accepted. I went all 4 years without turning back, no regrets.
I graduated at 32. I got my first job, and after a string of jobs I've landed in one I like. I don't know where it goes from here. But after my late start, I do know this:
Lesson #4: It's never too late to be what you might have been. ~ George Eliot
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